Step Two: Came to Believe that a Power Greater than Ourselves....

In Step One we admitted that we are powerless over many things in our lives.  We are powerless to control others and their lives.  We are powerless over Autism.  This admission of powerlessness is a key that opens up to us a new possibility for our lives.  We can seek other solutions beyond ourselves and our own abilities. 

Step two is about faith.  A leap of faith that there is a Power Greater than we are and that this Power can restore us to sanity.  Step two is the beginning of us removing ourselves from the central "controller" of life and all things and opening ourselves up to seek reality.  If we are powerless, we can seek a power beyond ourselves....Greater than ourselves. 

In the 12 Step Program we are invited to define this power any way we like.  We can choose what ever power we feel comfortable with.  If we already believe in a Higher Power, some of us may want to open ourselves to a new understanding of that power in light of what we truly need and want a Higher Power to be and do in our lives.  We can abandon any ideas about a Higher Power that do not help us with the real issues of our lives. 

Step Two invites us to suspend judgement and open ourselves up to the possibility of developing a working relationship with a Power Greater than ourselves and believing that this Power could restore our lives to sanity.  Atheists and agnostics alike are welcomed into this process.  Thousands of atheists and agnostics have recovered and been successful with the 12 Step Program.  We are not told what our Higher Power is, but instead are invited to find and use what ever works for us, and to define that Power however we wish. 

What matters is that we believe that there is in fact a Power that is greater than we are.  We are not the center of the universe, so to speak.  We are not in control of life and all that exists.  There is a power in this life that is the universal spirit or Creator of all that there is or we can even decide that our higher power will be that of the program itself.  The only requirement is that we know that we are not this Higher Power and that it can restore us to sanity in our lives. 

What helped me in this area was to write out what I needed and wanted my Higher Power to be and do in my life.  Please take time to "brainstorm" and play with this idea. Write out everything you think of and then allow yourself time to feel comfortable with the definition that you come up with.  It is yours alone.  A higher power as you personally understand your Higher Power.  If this is difficult, then people are asked to "act as if" what they needed and wanted in a Higher Power is exactly what that Power is.  We took the actions that others had told us worked for them and amazing things started to happen in our lives.  It didn't seem to matter if we believed in the actions we were taking.  We did what others had said worked for them and we found that we began to feel comfortable with this new found Power.  We felt comfortable with the Power that we had defined and we were on our way with Step Two. 

Step Two An In-depth Study with Reflection Questions

Step 2
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.


It seemed as if out of no where, Autism banged on our front door, pushed it open when no one answered, and burst, uninvited into our lives.  It was a rude "bull in a china shop" presence that had no respect for carefully crafted hopes and treasured lifetime dreams.   Ever since that fateful day, it has haunted our sleep and our waking hours.  It was a heavy weight pressing down on my chest with relentless sadness, pervasive and fear.  And autism has never left.

I can now accept that my heart was "ground zero" for the hit.  I will never be the same.   Ashes smolder in the distant memory where once were carefree days and the beginning of a new life together as a family.

One mom said that for her, having a child with autism was worse than loosing a child to death.  "Death you can move on from, heal slowly and get on with life.  With Autism, it never ends.  You are reminded everyday of the loss of the child you thought you had.  It is a lifetime process.  Each stage of life brings renewed pangs of grief and the emptiness of loss and 'if only'."  She went on to share that one of her children died at a young age from an accident.  "Autism is worse." she lamented.  The grief never ends.  You are reminded of the loss every day.

I was powerless over Autism.  Another power greater than myself had to be found to help me recover the quality of life I once enjoyed.  Step two is about being willing to be open to a power greater than myself.  And the key here is to think about what we need and want from a Higher Power.  We need to find a faith that works for us and that will relieve us of the dark hole we are stuck in.  On our own power, we have tried and failed to be able to relieve ourselves from the trauma caused by autism's invasion of our lives.  We needed to find what had worked for thousands of others who had worked the 12 Step Program and found recovery from hopeless situations.  We asked others what had worked for them, and we became willing to be open to the idea of a Higher Power that could relieve us from our insanity of trying to "fix" the situation and change or deny reality.
In regards to dealing with the grief of my children having autism,

I have done extremely irrational and self-destructive – insane – things in a compulsion to control that over which I was powerless.

Where painful feelings were involved, I have acted in extremely irrational and obsessively compulsive ways to get control and to change reality.

In the AA Big Book it mentions the need to, "Stop fighting everyone and everything."  

Endlessly continuing the tortured panic of desperation to gain control over another person’s reality is insane.  No wonder I feel like I am going to die, if I can’t stop that feeling.

 Like a hamster in a treadmill, I need a Power greater than myself to help me see that there are other options beyond my understanding; that I can use to move forward, really!

“Since my willpower can’t change my unsuccessful way of living, am I willing to look for a power greater than myself to restore me to sanity?” “I am desperate to look for a Power Greater than myself to restore me to sanity.”  Please God/HP, heal me in body, mind and spirit and restore me to sanity.  Nothing else has been successful.

Choosing “more control” to restore me to sanity in body, mind and spirit, is insanity.  My compulsive tendency to play "god" and control other people’s lives isn’t making this “Show” go very well.  It has been confusion, retaliation by others, and self-seeking as my hidden motive.  I can’t be honest with others when I am trying to be in control of my life or theirs.

I can’t have quality relationships with anyone I am demanding they follow My Script as written.  Me, playing the person behind the curtain operating all the smoke and mirrors Special Effects is an exhausting performance, the booming voice is no longer believable, and life is boring hot and hellish all by myself in my little control room all day.

God, please give me new ways that are beyond my understanding; that I can use to move forward, really!

 I don’t already know what needs to happen next, in order to end up at the Greater Good in the end.

God does already know what needs to happen next, in order to end up at the Greater Good in the end.

I want to follow God’s road map in all things and not the way I already have in my head.  All others would be smart to not follow the way I already have in my head, as well.  My insistence that they do as I think they should, is insane.

Dawn, read the writing on the wall in big letters!  Compulsive business and trying to "fix" NO LONGER brings comfort.  "Self care" now means you are DONE! 

There is no comfort to be found in excessive trying to fix or change reality; only pain and suffering.

Step Two involves describing what I need and want my Higher Power to be?  I still think it is good for me to go over this repeatedly.  So….for me I would like and need my HP to be:  That my HP would have God’s will be done infinitely and everywhere and not mine. That my HP would always have my back and that of my children, husband family and friends….And all those in need.  To have my HP be in Perfectly Infinitely Loving and Absolute Divine Care and Control of my life, my children’s lives, my husband, my parents, brothers and families, friends, all working the 12 Step Programs, and ALL PEOPLE in every time and place.

“Have I come to believe that I need to change?  My life experience powered by ‘self will’ was hell….tragic hell.  Also I want to be around to love my family and friends and to do God’s will.  Obsessing and compulsive controlling is an early death sentence and a wasted life.

Grandios perfectionism and denial of reality staged like a house of cards.

Reflection Questions

1. When I look with complete honesty at my life, how have I acted in an extremely irrational and self destructive ways where Autism is concerned?
2. What lengths have I gone to trying to change my child or stop the effects that autism had on my child?
3. What was I willing to sacrifice in myself, time, resources, sleep, peace of mind, free time, leisure activities, family and relationships with others?
4. In what ways have I been obsessed with curing my child's autism regardless of the toll it took on me or other family members lives?
5. Have those methods worked? 
6. What self-defeating behaviors do I continue to engage in even though it is not in my best interestes to continue?
7. Am I willing to be open to a Power greater than myself that could restore me to sanity? 
8. How would I describe a Power greater than myself that is somthing that I could believe in?
9. What do I need from a Higher Power?  What would I like such a Power to do and be in my life?
10. Have I isolated myself and others as a result of autism?  Has autism affected my social life?
11. Has autism affected my peace of mind or the quality of the relationships in my life?
12. Have I come to believe that I need to change?  Why?
13. If I do not believe ina Higher Power, can I "act as if" I am getting help with my life?  How?
14. How do i feel about replacing my old ideas about God with a faith that works?
15. What actions am I willing to take that others have told me worked for them?